They are often criticized or mocked by mothers for their incompetence in taking care of a newborn child; they are judged severely by the best wives when, instead of scolding, they participate in the noise or disorder when going to the table. And when, instead of obeying the women`s calls, they walk away with an excuse, or start reading the newspaper…God forbid!
Poor dad, so little understood and ”pitied”!
The fact is that in the house, no matter what they say, it is rare that it is he, the father, who is in charge. There was a time it used to be like that. Now it is the woman who sees everything with her own eyes as a woman: she always knows what is the right thing, what the best situation is, what are the reproaches to be made, what are the appropriate interventions. And it’s rare, very rare, for her woman’s eyes to see like her husband’s eyes. That’s it. His way of sending “the house forward” is all different from the way the other half would do it.
Things get very complicated when there is a son or daughter in the house who needs special care and attention.
The position of the mother, even if sometimes duly masked, then becomes almost bossy and dad is often left with the task of looking in silence; shutting himself off in an attitude of defeat ; getting angry a lot because he feels isolated, not understood in suffering.
I say this smiling knowing full well that this is not always the case. On the contrary!
The testimonies we have collected say well and with sincerity how great and important the role that a father can play in the acknowledging and education of a disabled child. How much merit and gratitude is to be given to them and when. In a different way, of course, we mothers are committed to protecting, to supporting, to lead their struggle so that the son or daughter is an element of union, of growth and of satisfaction for the whole family. It is easier to said than done, you will say, and mistakes, failures, escapes, afterthoughts don`t count.
What matters is to keep in mind, always, that the way of loving has many results, many facets, and it is above all, different in dad and mom and for this reason it is all the more beautiful.
Mariangela Bertolini, 2005
Translation from Italian to English by Daniela Bachman on the initiative of the “Italian 251: Composition & Conversation II” course taught by Nives Valli using the Service-Learning pedagogical approach at John Felice Rome Center della Loyola University Chicago.
